How well do you work with others? The nature of our professional work often requires that we manage conflict with others. As we discuss new ways of managing problems, limited resources, or problemmatic clients and colleagues, we must learn to mediate, negotiate, and seek agreement. According to Robert Bolton, author of People Skills, "Eighty percent of the people who fail at work do so for one reason: they do not relate well to other people."

Some of the most difficult people with whom we engage are either

• very different from us in communication style, temperament, and work ethic, or

For instance, I think holistically, globally, and focus upon the possibilities rather than the details. Because I don't like dealing with details, I want to choose teammates and colleagues who do like managing the logistics, ensuring that all the paperwork is completed and accurate. Yet, because I don't like details, I am often most frustrated by those colleagues who focus upon them and nag me about them!

• very much like us in communication style, temperament, and work ethic!

  Here's another example. While I am generally happy with who I am, there are some traits that I possess for which I am not pleased. One of these traits is my lack of patience with incompetence. When I see this same trait in others, I am equally not pleased with them. Perhaps you see in this in your family relationships as well?!

Well, how is it that the very thing that attracts us to others can be the same things that frustrates us most?

Below are resources for more information about specific contexts:

Working with Difficult People: Here are some helpful books.

• Robert Bacal, The Complete Idiot's Guide To Dealing With Difficult Employees (Indianapolis: Alpha Books, 2000)
• Robert Branson, Coping With Difficult People (New York: Ballentine Books, 1981)
• Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner, Dealing With People You Can't Stand (New York: McGraw Hill, 1994)
• Sandra Crowe, Since Strangling Isn't An Option: Dealing with Difficult People - Common Problems and Uncommon Solutions (New York: Berkley Publishing, 1998)
• Don Gabor, Speaking Your Mind In 101 Difficult Situations (New York: Stonesong Press, 1994)
• Lillian Glass, Toxic People (New York: St. Martin's, 1995)
• Charles Keating, Dealing With Difficult People (New York: Paulist Press, 1984)
• Sandra Krebs Hirsh, Work It Out: Clues For Solving People Problems At Work (Palo Alto: Davies Black Publishing, 1996)
• Lew Parrott, High-Maintenance Relationships (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 1996)

Negotation and Arbitration
Negotiation is seeking a compromise through discussion and agreement. Arbitration is agreeing to let another (e.g., a judge) make the decision for both parties because negotiation does not seem possible.

• American Arbitration Association, http://www.adr.org/index2.1.jsp, offers information about all forms of dispute prevention and resolution including mediation, arbitration, fact-finding, partnering, dispute review boards and other related alternative dispute resolution processes.
• Program on Negotiation at Harvard University, http://www.pon.harvard.edu/main/home/index.php3, offers teaching and research materials.

Using Problem-Solving in Meetings
Learning to managing problems and to make decisions in meetings is a very important skill. By clarifying the question, exploring the criteria and resources available, generating options and selecting alternatives, groups can make good decisions and resolve problems.

• The Eisenhower National Clearinghouse, http://www.enc.org/topics/inquiry/beyond/, curriculum resources, create high-quality professional development materials, and disseminate useful information and products to improve K-12 mathematics and science teaching and learning.
• Learn about a Minnesota model for teaching cooperative learning in physics courses, http://www.physics.umn.edu/groups/physed/Research/CGPS/CGPSintro.htm