There's no doubt about it: Conflict is stressful. How you manage the stress that is inherent in conflict is the trick. You may use stress to your advantage or it may become detrimental to you.

Eustress is positive stress. It helps you feel challenged and invigorated. Stress enables us to perform at higher levels. Those with lower levels of stress than others seem to be able to focus upon the immediate situation and rationally consider ways to manage the task.

According to Jerry Adler, in the short term, stress can be beneficial. Consider these physical responses to stress:

• Brain: Stress protectively dulls the body's sense of pain. Thinking and memory improve.
• Eyes: The pupils dilate for better vision.
• Lungs: The lungs take in more oxygen. This allows oxygen to travel to the brain so that you can think more clearly.
• Liver: Sugar stored as glycogen is converted to glucose.
• Heart: Heart rate and blood pressure rise. The bloodstream brings extra oxygen and glocose - fuel for power.
• Adrenal Glands: The medulla secretes fight-or-flight hormone epinephrine (adrenaline).
• Spleen: Extra red blood cells flow out, allowing the blood to carry more oxygen to muscles.
• Intestines: Digestion halts, allowing the body to dedicate energy to the muscles.
• Hair: Body hairs become erect - puffed-up hair makes animals look bigger and more dangerous. [Information taken from Jerry Adler's, "How Stress Attacks You" published in Newsweek June 14, 1999.]

Distress is debilitative stress. Fear of failure can be a major stumbling block for many people who are engaged in conflict management.

• Did you know that a man's blood pressue rises more sharply than does a woman's during stress?
• Did you know that a woman tends to feel more stress about more issues than does a man?

Below are proven ways to manage stress well:

• Meditation - Scan your body and breathe deeply
• Massage - Use touch therapy to soothe your psyche
• Exercise - Increase endorphins, release tension, and improve oxygen movement
• Talking and Listening to Others - Putting things into perspective and learning about others' perspective helps many to clarify and to consider options and alternatives