"Become the change you want to See" ~ Oprah Winfrey

Improving Interpersonal Relationships

 


Relationship climates begin to develop that moment we communicate anything. Is it a positive or negative climate? We first have to recognize what needs improvement.

Communication Climates
The climate refers to the emotional tone of the relationship, not just the activities they engage in. This is determined by how much a person considered themselves as valued or dissed.

There are three basic types of confirming messages most likely to create positive climates.

Recognition

The most fundamental act of confirmation

such as writing a friend or returning a phone call

Acknowledgement Stronger than recognition and typified by listening. Interested in another's ideas.
Endorsement Agree with those ideas. The highest form of valuing a person.
A positive climate is the best predictor of marital satisfaction.

There are messages that deny the value of others - disconfirming responses. They show a lack of regard either by disputing or ignoring some important part of that person and most likely to create negative climates.

Disagreement Could venture into actually attacking the person
Ignoring Creates the relational message that denies that person's existence.

Disconfirming messages are a matter of perception. Speakers are likely to downplay their significance, but the devaluing message can be most painful.

Many nonverbal messages are climateshaping: smiles, eye contact, tone of voice, distance ...The very act of approaching someone is confirming. Likewise avoidance is dissing. Once formed, climates are self-perpetuating spirals.

Positive spirals - a confirming message from one person leads to confirming message from the other. Conciliatory statements are likely to get conciliatory responses.

Confrontational acts (criticism, hostility) were likely to trigger aggressive responses.

Avoidance begets avoidance. Analysis begets analysis ....

Escalatory conflict spirals are visible reactions to disconfirming messages.

Deescalatory conflict sprials are avoidance, the parties lessen their dependence on each other, withdraw.

Gibb categories of Defensive and Supportive Behaviors
Defensive
Supportive

Evaluation

"you" statements

focus is on judgement of the other."You talk too much."

Description

"I" statements

focus is on describing feelings of speaker. "When youdon't give me a chance to speak, I get angry."

Control

imposing a solution

Problem Orientation

looking for a solution for both sides

Strategy

manipulating others

Spontaneity

honesty

Neutrality

indifference communicates a lack of concern

Empathy

verbal and nonverbal acceptance of the other person's feelings.

 

Superiority

arrogance

Equality

 

Certainty

dogmatic

 

Provisionalism

You don't have a corner on truth. Though you feel strongly about something, you are willing to listen to the other side and may change if the other position seems more reasonable.

 


 

Nature | Perception | Languages|Listening | Modalities

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Saturday, March 12, 2005 6:27 PM